Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
