It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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