Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
