I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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