ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
