Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
