Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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