If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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