Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
