why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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