I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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