This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
