You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
