Moan for me like Helen Keller
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize