I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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