areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
