1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
