fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
