i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I looked at my own cervix.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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