Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
