Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
