Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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