Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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