im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
