Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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