I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Will exercising make me less horny?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
