Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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