If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
50% drunk capacity currently
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
