Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
