I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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