you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
please come you make the beer taste better
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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