i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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