I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
