the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
And then my night got REAL pukey
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
