I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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