i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just googled if crying burns calories
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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