Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm gonna fight the coyote
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
