1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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