my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
