is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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