where am i from again
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
