You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
