so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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