I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
