Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
