mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You left your phone here
Wait...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
