Sry I called you an 8
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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