Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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