i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
