i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize