Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize