I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
