Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
