Soap is not a condiment
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize