I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
