I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
