dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
