Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
