What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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