My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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