Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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