Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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