I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Can you bring me the toilet please
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
