Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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