Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
