I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
