I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
