I got chris browned last night
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
