i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
