when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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