Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
