Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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