All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
