i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
