you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
