ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
