Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize