One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
