it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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