There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I've blown a few things in my day
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
